A Lesson Learned From Walking In The Rain

I walked to the gym tonight to do some yoga. It’s about .5 mile each way.

I’d been in a funk and I needed to breathe. I realized once I got there that I only had about 20 minutes because of a cardio class that was coming in. That frustrated me but I carried on with my practice, feeling rushed. Not quite what I had imagined.

While I was there, though, a giant rainstorm rolled in, quickly, as they do in Florida. It was so rhythmic and calming that the storm actually brightened my mood. It made me slow down my practice. It made me breathe deeper and longer. It made me more mindful somehow.

There’s just something about a good, evening rainstorm sometimes.

As I finished up my practice, it was raining so hard that I couldn’t walk home. Only, no. It wasn’t that I couldn’t. It was that I didn’t want to. There was no lightening, so, no danger. It was simply that I didn’t want to be uncomfortable. I didn’t want to get wet and soggy and cold and uncomfortable.

So, I sat there. 10, 15, 20, 25 minutes went by.

I started to wonder when the storm would pass. I grew impatient because I was getting hungry. A gentleman sitting next to me, also waiting out the storm, looked at me and said, “I just looked at the radar and this storm isn’t going anywhere. Might as well make peace with it”.

What wise wording. Make peace with it. Make peace with the discomfort, essentially.

His comment sent my brain down a metaphorical highway and got me thinking…

Our species isn’t very good at making peace with discomfort- physical or emotional. We are beings that will do almost anything to avoid discomfort. We’ll pop a pill at the slightest amount of pain. We’ll write off friendships or relationships when things get complicated. We’ll guzzle alcohol at when life gets stressful.

We don’t want to sit with the lesson. We don’t want to learn what’s being taught. We just want to make things easier on ourselves and take the path of least resistance.

A very wise friend once said it so eloquently, though, “Nothing truly goes away before it teaches you what you need to learn”. And she’s so right.

Whether it’s a reoccurring bad dream about someone you’ve wronged, a romantic partner you can’t let go of, a friendship that you can’t seem to reconcile, a job that you know isn’t right for you but you stay…the lesson hasn’t been taught yet. Or more likely, the lesson hasn’t been learned yet. We must listen carefully.

And you have to be willing to be uncomfortable to work through it all.

That storm wasn’t passing tonight. So I took off my flip-flops, yanked up my yoga mat and walked through it.

It was simultaneously exhilarating and fun to walk through the rain. I felt like a kid walking barefoot through puddles. I was wet and soggy and cold when I got home. But the discomfort? It was momentary. It was fleeting. That feeling of freedom and airiness while I was walking in the rain far surpassed my discomfort. I felt really good when I got home. I felt lighter.

I needed that release of walking in the rain. That was my lesson. Right in front of me, yet hidden in my reluctance to be uncomfortable.

But. You just can’t get to the lesson without testing your comfort zone boundaries. Lessons are never easy. They’re never uncomplicated. There doesn’t seem to be much of an education in things that come easy.

It stopped raining five minutes after I got home. That storm wouldn’t pass until it taught me the lesson. I just needed to listen.

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Why I Won’t Stop Talking About Costa Rica: Part 1

In 2005, I began to wanderlust a little. I was 28, just began my career, and I was feeling like it was time to experience a new place since I was finally able to save a little bit of money. I didn’t even have a passport yet because my previous travel consisted of many cruise ports and domestic locations. I wasn’t sure I was even thinking I wanted to internationally travel at the time.

My then boyfriend loved to surf and he had suggested Costa Rica. My initial thought was No.Way. In retrospect, I’m not even sure why I felt this way. I clearly didn’t know a thing about this destination so perhaps just the mere title of “3rd world country” was scary to me? I’m not exactly sure but my boyfriend really wanted to go so I began my research. And I am the research queen so this took months.

What I expected prior to departure was a regular vacation full of surf and sun. I expected an experience different from what I was used to but what I didn’t expect was to literally fall in love with this country. The 6 night adventure ended up being life-changing for me. That’s how much passion I have for it.

Why? There’s just so many reasons: the culture, the food, the people, the scenery, the pace. Just, everything. I need for you to go there yourself to define it because you won’t know until you experience it.

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So, you want to plan a trip to Costa Rica? Here’s part 1 of my “Why I Won’t Stop Talking About Costa Rica” series. In this post, I’m going to stick with the basics: when to travel, how to get there, a first-timer itinerary, what to bring, and things you should know.

I’m a good place to start but certainly don’t stop here. Gather many opinions, do a ton of your own research…or don’t. Just book your tickets and show up. Wander. It’s a perfect place to do that.

But, if you’re like me and that’s too far out of your comfort zone, I’m here to make recommendations.

We initially chose Costa Rica because of the surf but along with that and all it’s beauty, Costa Rica is a restful country, free of a military, they embrace tourism, and there’s so many places to explore even though it’s a relatively small country. So, here goes.

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When To Travel

Costa Rica has a “High Season” which is from mid-November through the end of April. This is when it rarely rains, it’s extremely hot, and many tourists visit. I don’t travel there during those months. I choose June, August, or September but really, any of the lower season months are great. Mid-season is considered July and August so it’s a bit busy then, too.

The entire off season is labeled as “rainy season” and what that means is yes, it does rain a bit more but we have yet to be there when it’s rained all day. These rains are more like afternoon, evening, or night rains that tend not to last long. If you’re a Florida resident, you’ll be familiar with this weather pattern. I prefer this weather. It’s a nice break from the heat.

And speaking of heat, yes, it’s hot but these off season months are considered their winter so although the sun is intense, the air is so nice. In the Central Valley, it even gets cool at night.

I know most only take a one-week vacation but if you can take more time, do it. There’s just so much to see in Costa Rica. One week just isn’t enough. You’ll be planning your next trip on the flight home no matter how much time you spend.

How To Get There

From Florida, I take Jet Blue from Orlando or Fort Lauderdale to San Jose because I prefer direct flights. And, I love Jet Blue’s comfort. We have flown Taca out of Miami as well which is also recommended. Flights vary in prices but I think a fair average is around $290 roundtrip. Spirit will get you there cheaper but I haven’t tried them as of yet. American and Southwest also fly direct.

There is a second larger airport in Costa Rica in the town of Liberia. It’s more expensive to fly into but it’s suggested if you plan on seeing some of the northwestern beach towns.

A popular question I get is “Should I rent a car?”. My answer is yes. It’s part of the adventure but know that:
-Street signs are limited. There’s no “Go up to 4th street and make a left on Main” type of directions. It’s more like, “Make a left at the 3rd church you see and then turn right after the gravel road”. Again, adventure.
-They drive assertively in Costa Rica. Some say “crazy”, I say assertive. But they’re polite and patient drivers.
-Car rental companies can be tricky. Daily insurance is expensive and many rental companies aren’t honest with their prices until you get there. Online quotes can be deceiving. Expect to spend about $400-$500 per week on a good rental. I now use Alamo consistently. They’ve been honest and easy to deal with.
-We always get a 4×4 because we like mountain driving but you can get away with a regular car with most destinations.

If you don’t rent a car, you can certainly depend on tourist buses, public transportation if you’re on a budget, or private transfers. They also have a domestic airline called Nature Air that has flights to and from popular destinations. If you choose this option, you can always taxi when you arrive.

Where To Go: First-timer Itinerary

A popular first-timer trip would be to see the amazing Arenal volcano for 3 nights and then a beach location, such as Playa Hermosa (Jaco area), for 4 nights.

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Arenal is a must see for any tourist. The volcano is active but currently in a resting phase since 2010. It’s a gives such majestic views and the area boasts so many activities.  It’s located approximately 3 hours from San Jose and the sweet little town of La Fortuna is adjacent to the volcano area. This town caters to tourists so there’s plenty of shopping and dining. We have stayed at Hotel Silencio del Campo for each visit but there are numerous, gorgeous options. Almost every hotel or cabinas has views of the volcano.

(My best friend when planning hotel stays is TripAdvisor. I’ve never been completely misled by the reviews.)

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While in Arenal, you’ll want to:
Zipline.
Relax in the hot springs.
Hike the Hanging Bridges.
Hike to La Fortuna Waterfall.
Whitewater Raft.

And that’s just a few suggestions.

There are hidden gems along the way to visit on your way to and from Arenal, such as Poas Volcano  (about 45 minutes north of San Jose airport, 2 hours south of La Fortuna), Rio Celeste (about 2 hours north of La Fortuna), and La Paz Waterfall Gardens (close to Poas, still south of La Fortuna). And when I say “on your way”, I mean within the general driving vicinity but expect to take most of the day to explore these locations.

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When you’re finished exploring this whole area, (trust me, you’ll be sad to leave) and need some beach time to rest, I suggest making the 3 hour drive southwest to Playa Hermosa, Jaco, and staying at Hermosa Beach Bungalows. This has been our home away from home since 2007. These are all 2 bedroom bungalows directly on the black sand beach of Hermosa, one of the most famous surfing destinations in the world.

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We fell in love with this location. You’re 1.5 hours from San Jose on the new-ish highway (so, easy driving), you’re 10 minutes from Jaco for shopping, dining and nightlife, you’re 1 hour north of iconic Manuel Antonio National Park, and there are all sorts of hidden gems all over this area. You can do absolutely nothing and lounge at the pool and beach all day, everyday, or, you can:
-Check out RainMaker Park, 45 minutes south of the bungalows. This was a new find for us on our 2016 trip and I can’t wait to go back. For $20, you have AMAZING trails to hike where you’ll find numerous waterfalls, wildlife, and some of the highest hanging bridges with gorgeous vistas. For $5 extra, you’ll get a homemade typical lunch of arroz con pollo and gallo pinto. So worth it.
-Hike to Tres Piscinis Waterfalls and jump into the pools. This is about a 35 minutes drive south of the bungalows, hidden just north of the town of Parrita. For a $5 parking fee, you hike to the waterfalls, about a 20 minute easy hike, and can climb all the way up to the top to jump in each of the 3 pools.
-Explore Neo Fauna Wildlife Park. This is about a 20 minute drive north of the bungalows up a mountain road and only costs $10. There’s a rescue monkey to hold, snakes, frogs, butterflies to learn about. It’s a short guided tour and super interesting.
-Take a crocodile tour on the Tarcoles River. On Jose’s tour, they feed these monsters and it’s unbelievable. This is about a 30 minute drive north of the bungalows.

I could go on and on about all of the activities and tours in the Jaco area. There’s just so much.

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In Hermosa proper, all within walking distance to the bungalows, you have all of the dining you need: The Backyard for arroz con pollo, Pizza Bocha (who delivers!), Shaka’s for pancakes, BlueGrass Bakery for cinnamon rolls. And down by Hotel Terrazas are these amazing rock formations where at a low tide you can explore the tidal pools and climb to watch the sunset.

The property manager on site at the bungalows even has cars, bikes and surfboards to rent. This location truly has everything.

rock

What To Bring

I’m going to try to make this simple since I overpack for every.single.trip. You don’t need much but here’s my essentials list:

-Passport.
-Flip Flops.
-Bathing Suits. (plural!!)
-Insect repellant.
-Tennis shoes to hike, preferably that you aren’t overly attached to because of the red clay.
-Lightweight shorts, tank tops, t-shirts, that dry fast.
-Sunscreen. Lots of it.
-Light jacket for evenings in Arenal.
-Waterproof case for your phone or camera.

Other Pro Tips

-Eat at the local joints called Sodas. They’re inexpensive and delicious. Casados is a typical Costa Rican meal that usually consists of chicken, rice, beans, fried plantains, and corn tortillas. Try it.
-You must have the coffee everyday. Cafe con leche. They don’t use cream in their coffee, just warmed milk. It’s amazing. To make your own, buy Britt Tres Rios or 1820 Reserva.
-Buy from local markets if you’re going to stock your bungalow’s kitchen. The local fruit and meats are so good.
-Local grocery stores Mas x Menos and Maxi Pali are owned by WalMart so you will find American food items here. They’re be expensive, but they’re here.
-Find local bakeries (panaderias) and try their breads.
-Everywhere we’ve been accepts American money but you will receive change in their local currency, Colones. 500 colones=$1 so if something is 4,000 colones, it’s $8.00. You just double the figure.
-They have a local sauce called Lizano. Put that shit on everything.
-The water is safe to drink in certain areas and resorts but I don’t risk it even after 11 years. Bottled water is a must for me.
-Your cell phone will probably work there, especially if it’s an iPhone 6 or newer. Make sure you call your carrier to add international calling and features. Be sure to ask about roaming settings so you don’t get slammed with charges. I have Verizon and they have a minute/text/data package option for either $40 or $80. Or, better yet, turn that thing off and just use it for the camera.
-There’s wifi almost everywhere.
-Gas is expensive and gas stations are not on every corner like here in the States. Plan for this if you rent a car.
-Costa Rica is a GREAT place to bring kids. My daughter has been going since she was 14 months old. She ziplined for the first time last year when she was 6. She loves this place.

I know I’m forgetting so many fine details so please ask if you have a question. Hopefully this will give you a basis to plan your trip. I promise, you won’t regret one single second.

Next post: more destination options.

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**All images belong to me. These were taken over various trips to Costa Rica. Please don’t steal them from me without permission.  🙂

 

On Vacationing, Costa Rica, and Balance.

I confess: I’m in Costa Rica for 19 days. I’m not bragging but I’m also not ashamed.

I find it interesting how harshly we judge others on taking time off, away from the stress of work and everyday life. Before I left my home in Florida, as I was getting my business ready to be ran from my laptop, explaining to customers that I would be away, I found myself not being entirely truthful about how long I was going to be away. I was vague with answers like “a couple weeks” and I was also defending that I would be working everyday on my laptop, as though it’s such a shameful thing to actually unplug and take time off.

Even at that, I was getting responses like, “Wow, must be nice. I wish I could do that. I’ll be 65 before I can take a trip like that”. It made me feel sad that others don’t (or can’t) take this kind of time out of life but I also had a fair amount of guilt and shame, which shouldn’t be the case.

I’m fortunate. I’ve made myself fortunate. I have an amazing job that I’ve worked my ass off to make into a lucrative career. It took years to become lucrative despite the stigma of my medical sales job. {Believe it or not, as sales reps, we’re not all swimming in pools of money, working only 25 hours a week.} Some weeks, I work seven days a week, putting in anywhere from 50-65 hours a week or more.

I’m describing most Americans, right? No matter what your economic status, this is the American expectation. This is the way of our country, all work, no life. Why is it that taking time off, anymore than a week, maybe two, is judged so harshly? The American Dream is so confusing to me. Work your ass off until you make yourself sick, tired, and wait until you’re 65 to enjoy the fruits of your labor? There doesn’t seem to be balance in that.

All European countries guarantee their workers 4 weeks of paid time off. One in four Americans aren’t guaranteed any paid time off at all and those that are being paid to take a break usually average about 16 days per year…which very few choose to take. And that’s astounding to me.

I want to live now. Experience things and places now, and it just so happens that I can. I hope to have some retirement, too, of course, but I’m not pinching every penny for when I’m 65. Life is too short. My daughter sees how hard I work at home, hears how many times I say, “I have to just work at my desk for another hour and then I’ll be done”, and feels the stress of my job when I’ve had a bad day. I don’t want those memories to be how she remembers her childhood in her rearview.

I sound as though I’m defending my vacations, and maybe I am a bit, but I’m hoping to also sound a bit motivating. I save for these trips. I save and I save so my daughter can have these experiences. I sacrifice for these trips. It’s why I work so hard and buy my clothes mostly at Target. There’s nothing like the education of travel.

People often ask me why we spend so much time in Costa Rica specifically. If you haven’t explored this country, I don’t know that it will make sense in words. Costa Rica is like stepping into a bit of a time warp in that their value isn’t on things. Kids, even the American transplants, aren’t found sitting on the couch with an iPad or PlayStation. Adults aren’t sitting at the dinner tables with mobile devices in all of their hands. No one is Instagramming their every move. They’re about the environment, the outdoors, water sports. Life is quite simple here. My daughter spends countless hours just playing in the waves with local kids, swimming in the pool and looking for beach treasure. This is so unlike her American life. She’s a different kid here, one that I love see so much.

For me, while I’m here, in between work, I do yoga, go for walks, and take naps, maybe hike to waterfalls. There’s always something to do. Or not do.

We don’t come here to stay at a fancy resort. We have stayed at fancy resorts here but that’s very rare for us. We stay in a beach bungalow where the AC is questionable at best, the shower water is either extremely hot or frigid, and everything smells a bit moldy because nothing ever truly dries from all of the moisture in the air. It isn’t expensive or fancy but it’s a world class experience for us. So much solitude and peace here.

This is our 11th year visiting here, my daughter’s 5th, and we love it more and more each time. It has changed significantly since we started visiting here. There are more conveniences, like WiFi and cell phone service, and although that makes me a little sad, it’s also the reason I can stay as long as we do so I can keep a pulse on my business.

I do want to travel to other places around the world. Italy is on my bucket list when Lily is a bit older, maybe Belize, maybe some other US states out west that I haven’t seen, but my heart is here, in Costa Rica. It makes me feel balanced when I’m here and not so chaotic. Life makes more sense here. The pace, the people, the vibe. It’s how I wish life could be everyday. Which is what the beauty of vacation is, I suppose, but I see it in the locals and the culture, too.

If only we could follow our hearts and spirit and be able to pay our bills at the same time, this would be home for me, no doubt. I feel so fortunate to have found Costa Rica and feel so at home far away from the States. It all began because in 2005 I saved for 2 plane tickets instead of some material birthday present for my boyfriend. It was the best investment in myself I’ve ever made.

My utopia is that everyone finds their Costa Rica. Travel. Now. There’s so much to see and so much to learn. Life passes by too fast.

Pura Vida!

In the Trenches

I’ve used that phrase often. In the trenches of college. In the trenches of figuring out my career. In the trenches of planning a wedding. In the trenches of new motherhood. In the trenches of toddlerhood.

I have never used that phrase for anything as painful as being in the trenches of going through a divorce.

I read a blurb today from one of my favorite female comedians, Amy Poehler, on the topic of divorce:


“Imagine spreading everything you care about on a blanket and then tossing the whole thing up in the air. The process of divorce is about loading that blanket, throwing it up, watching it all spin, and worrying what stuff will break when it lands.”

“When you are a person going through a divorce you feel incredibly alone, yet you are constantly reminded by society of how frequently divorce happens and how common it has become. You aren’t allowed to feel special, but no one knows the specific ways you are in pain.”

That last sentence completely resonated with me: You aren’t allowed to feel special, but no one knows the specific ways you are in pain.


It’s so very true. No one will ever truly know that pain as you experience it, even if they’ve been in a similar situation. No one knows the way you loved, the passion you felt, the way you gave, the way you cried, the hurt you endured, the specific feelings of rejection and betrayal, the unique way you have self-doubted, the contents and magnitude of the arguing, the inner struggle to stay or go multiple times, the different ways of finally letting go,…I could go on and on.

It would be remiss of me not to mention the pain that you now carry for your child(ren) throughout this process. Pain of letting go of this family structure so they can have a happy, healthier mom…eventually. The pain of managing this for them in two separate houses. The pain of making them a statistic, being a “child of divorced parents”. It’s a heavy burden, this type of pain, in addition to your own pain. We can all agree that staying together for the kids is not the healthy choice to make but let’s face it, it’s the reason many of us stay longer than we should. No one wants this for their child. No one gets married and has a child to say “Man, I cannot WAIT to go through my divorce so my kid can have two houses!”. It’s the most painful part, your reflection in your child’s eyes, yet, the most calming.

Friends can listen, identify, empathize, hug you, cry with you, ache for you, but they cannot live your pain, nor should they. It’s your path to walk, your pain to endure.

“Lonely” is an understatement in these trenches.

The whole dynamic shift that occurs while going through this process is only comparable to a death. You’re missing this whole moving part of your life that you become so accustom to and dependent on. You’re in this new world of self-reliance when you never wanted it or planned it this way. You’re now missing that emotional connection that you clung to for so long: that confidant, the person that had to listen to your work rants and that person you shared your dreams with. You’re now missing that physical connection: that person you woke up to and knew their morning routine, that person that you hugged at least a couple times a day, the person you’ve been most intimate with in life. You’re now missing that “partner” connection: that person to call if you forgot to pick up milk on your drive home, that person to help fold laundry, your guaranteed social event date, your go-to person to take over the parenting responsibilities when you’ve just had enough.

Even if you’re extremely independent, as I’ve always been, these missing pieces are all exhausting, especially with a child. Obviously sad, too, but exhausting because you’re now 100% self-reliant.

So, how do you put the pieces back together? All of these things you’ve piled on the blanket and threw up in the air are making their descent and you’re watching so many of them break as they land in different places. Some stay in tact, but most are certainly broken. Everything you’ve known for however long, (in my case, 12 years), has been undefined now. Everything.

You have to clean up now and redefine.

The pieces will not fit back together where they were, it’s impossible, so you try to find where the pieces will fit now. You create this new normal for yourself and your child and slowly figure out where the pieces will fit. You sit with the pain when you need to because it’s grief and you have no choice but to look at it in the face. On good days, you say “fuck you, grief and sadness. I’m going to have a good day”, but on bad days, (and there are A LOT of bad days), you sit with it, you become ok with it…and you learn from it.

And there it is, the purpose: learning.

Throughout all of this, the only thing you’re truly gaining is an education. One that is so incredibly important. You learn about yourself. You learn that you’re much more capable than you ever gave yourself credit for. You learn that you’re a better parent because of this. You learn who truly loves you and how to give more of yourself to those people. You learn to stop giving to those that don’t. You learn how to be selfish, which is magical in it of itself. You learn how to self-preserve. You learn to see things with a fresh perspective. You judge less and love more. You learn how to forgive but not forget so you’re not tempted to go down that path again. You just learn and there is so much value in that.

And about all of that loneliness? You learn it isn’t so terrible. You start your own morning routine. You realize that the laundry can stay in the fucking dryer for 3 days. You ride your bike up to the corner store for milk, just to get in that extra piece of exercise. You go to dinner alone and enjoy people watching. You plan a trip alone, somewhere where YOU’VE always wanted to go. You find your love for things that you didn’t know existed, like Ashtanga yoga and frilly bed quilts. You spend more time with friends and family. You shop for things only you like, not having to consider another’s taste. You enjoy one-on-one time with your child. The list goes on but the point is, you’re redefining yourself. It’s an opportunity that not many people have in life or not many will take in life: making a new definition of who you are, here and now; meet yourself for the first time. How amazing is that?

Is the view from the trenches scary and sad? Yes. It’s a trench I never wanted to explore but life had bigger plans for me. It wanted me to see a new life and it wanted to teach me to let go of a relationship and a love that was not serving me anymore. I have to open my eyes and enjoy the view from here for now.

So, to those going through this process of divorce and are in the trenches, do I understand the specific ways you are in pain? No, but we’re still in it together and there is something amazing on the other side of all of this.